dreaming big…

Before I get into my real post, I have a random thought to get out of my head and onto the screen, so bear with me:

The true hallmark of the wacky weather we have been having?  I have worn all my headbands – I have never run out of Bondi Bands before.  I always need to do running laundry before I run out of headbands.  But, with this weather, which is 70 degrees one day and 40 degrees the next, I have found that I have been wearing almost all my running gear.  So, I still have running clothes that are weather-appropriate.  I haven’t had to wear all my shorts or all my tights…but I have worn all my headbands.  So the last two nights I’ve had to dig out headbands from the dirty pile (shhh…) so that I can run.

Okay, now to the real stuff.  Warning – the following is not running related.  It’s my blog and I’ll write what I want to.

I’ve been finding myself doing a lot of personal reflection these last few weeks.  I started working with a mentor earlier this year, partially for career direction/input, and partially to help me through some tough times at work.  She has been having me talk through what I enjoy about work, what motivates me personally, and the like.  It’s been enlightening, but I still haven’t found the “arrow” that points me to what my perfect job is.

I participated in a webinar a week ago entitled “Finding your best work.”  In that webinar, the instructor, Tara Mohr, led us through an exercise that was intended to help us identify the key elements to our happiness.  The idea is that through reflecting on the times when we felt most personally satisfied and fulfilled, we could identify the common threads to those experiences that made them so great.  It was only an hour, but it was an idea I had never thought about before.  What if the things I think that I like to do aren’t really the things that would give me personal satisfaction?  What if it’s other elements of those experiences that I need?  And what if I could recreate those experiences in my current life?

This motivated me to sign up for weekly inspiration and emails from Tara’s website, and to download her “10 Rules for Brilliant Women Workbook” – I’m only on the first rule, and already it has changed me.  (Hopefully for the long-term).  Step one is to start to support yourself the way you support those around you, in the way you talk to yourself, the way you are a champion for yourself, etc.  It was enlightening.  Already this week I have noticed that I tend to “talk down” to myself – and to others.  That self-depreciating humor that was funny in high school doesn’t always lead to success in the workplace.

Then last night I watched the Dove video.  I watched it and I cried.  I won’t lie.  It hit me like a ton of bricks.  I can be really hard on myself.  A lot of people seem to think that I am some sort of “super mom” – when in reality, I tend to think that I’m never doing anything right.  In fact, I’m constantly looking at others wishing I could be more like them.  Whether it’s being a stay at home mom, leading a charitable organization, or something else, I am always thinking I should be doing more.

And I saw this news article on Facebook.

Step 2 in Tara’s 10 step process is to dream big.  What would you do if you had no boundaries?  No inhibitions?  Nothing holding you back?  You’re supposed to write down what your ideal, perfect, can’t-even-start-to-imagine-it work would be.

I haven’t done Step 2 yet.  And tonight I think I may have figured out why.

It’s because I’m scared.  I’m scared to think about what that ideal would be.  I’m scared to put it out there and to think about what it might mean.  I’m scared that it might be something so totally different from where I am today that I couldn’t get there even if I tried.

I still don’t think I’m ready to let it be written down, especially not in such a public place.

But I’m starting to dream about what could be – if I only am able to let myself dream…

Maybe in a future post I’ll be able to tell you what that is.  But for now, it’s for me.  It’s my dream, it’s my vision, and I don’t want to make it public because I know that doing so will make me water it down.  I’ve almost typed it a few times and I noticed myself editing it down.  I don’t want to do that, I want to let myself fully embrace the dream and let it grow as big as it wants to be.

We RUN.

I have not run every day this week.  Not even close.

Okay, now that’s out of the way.

It’s been a heck of a week here in the world.  Here in my neck of the woods we’ve had torrential rains, record flooding, and snow.  Beyond this area we had the fertilizer plant explosion in Texas.  Ricin sent to the president.  And Boston.  I’m not going to get into what happened in Boston, or how I feel about it, because it’s all been said so eloquently by others already, and I don’t feel I can add much to the discussion.  I can say that I am beyond glad that law enforcement identified and captured the suspects within a week.  It just goes to show how much we can accomplish when we put our collective effort towards a common goal and purpose.

This weekend I had 11 miles scheduled.  Originally my two older boys were supposed to have soccer games this morning, so I planned on getting up early and running alone.   Then, when the soccer games were cancelled, I took the opportunity to sign up for a race, the Project Renewal Run for Renewal 5k.  This was one of my favorite races last year, and I had really wanted to run it.  But due to soccer (because, well, my kids have to come first…), I had thought I wouldn’t be able to run it.

I also needed to get in those 11 miles.  So I kept the original plan to wake up early, head out and run alone.  I got up at 5:40, got dressed, and headed out to run 8 miles in the early morning sun.  It was beautiful, but cold.  My legs felt like lead, and I didn’t have a lot of energy.  I didn’t eat anything before heading out, and that was probably part of the problem.  But I got through it, and stopped home around 7:30.

Waiting for me was a chocolate chip pancake.  yum.

As I was eating it, I realized that the Project Renewal race was about a 40 minute drive away, and packet pickup ended at 8:30.  It was 7:45.  I rushed out the door with a cup of coffee, and headed out to the race.  I arrived at packet pickup to find a long line of people waiting to pick up their race numbers.

LiveUncommon did a great thing this week.  They decided that to honor the runners in Boston, and to show solidarity, that they would cover the cost for anyone to run the Project Renewal race (and a later 5k race that I wasn’t able to attend due to a family event).  So, rather than the almost-200 runners from last year, this year’s race drew over 500 runners.  It was amazing to see all these runners out this morning, all out to rUN UNdaunted.  It was a great morning for a race.   I ended up running with Josiah, and enjoyed the entire run, even the massive hills.  It was such a blast.  I’m so excited that I was able to do it, and I am feeling refreshed and energized.

It was a great way to honor Boston, by getting together and doing what we do.  And what is that?

We RUN.

4.09 for Boston

Today I ran for Boston. I ran because I can.

Boston

not fresh legs

Wow.  I am so very tired.

This has been a busy week.  I “failed” at the consecutive day challenge.  But, my reason for that is totally justified.  My sister had her baby boy on Wednesday after being almost a week overdue and spending two days in the hospital being induced.  So I spent most of the first half of the week anxious for news and the second part of the week checking in.  The day I missed my run was Wednesday, the day he was born, because I went to the hospital to visit him instead of running.

Yesterday was also a busy day, with soccer games, appointments, and yardwork, so I was only able to eke out a mile of “wogging” (walk-jogging) on the treadmill.  So today I needed a long run.

Boy, did I need it.

But…the wind was pretty brutal even at 8:30 am, as I ran headfirst into it, and so my 10 mile run turned into 9, then 8, then I settled for 7 when at 3.5 miles my legs told me that they didn’t want to keep going.  I turned around, and of course the return 3.5 was much more comfortable.  But my legs were still telling me they were tired.  After 14 days and only one day off (granted I have had some very, very easy days of 1-2 miles) my legs were tired.

This afternoon I worked at a 5k.  It’s a huge  fundraiser for our elementary PTA’s (one of the LiveUncommon race series races this year), and it was our second year for the race.  I was on my feet from 12-5:30, and the race was a great success.  But I’m bone tired, a bit sunburned, windblown, and just plain worn out.  All I wanted when I got home was a beer and a hot bath.  I’ve had the beer, the bath has to wait a bit longer.

I’ll admit, the prospect of daily runs from now through the end of April is now pretty daunting.  Where last week I felt great and was full of excitement and energy from the daily runs, today it feels pretty darn overwhelming.  I’m sure it’s because I am just.so.tired.  Hopefully a good night’s sleep and I’ll be back at it.

haiku?

Today I had limited time so I tried to squeeze in a run between dinner and a meeting. Given that setup, I thought I’d share a few haikus that I created on my run.

Ouch my stomach hurts
I hate this CD challenge
Next time not so soon.

Not comfortable
Running with a full stomach
Please don’t let me hurl.

Enjoy your Monday, friends!

mayonaise (CD#7)

I’m pretty sure I’ve never run seven days in a row before.

I know that I run better on my long runs when I’ve run during the week.  But I never really expected this.  Today I was shooting for around 10 minute/mile pace, because I wanted to take it easy and not push it.  So I turned off the pace readout on my watch and just ran by feel.  I ran at what felt comfortable.  Turns out it was quite a bit faster than 10 minute/mile pace.  My average pace was 09:19, and I finished in 1:33!

I listened to Pandora during my run, and once again realized that sometimes, Pandora knows me better than I know myself.  It’s scary, really.  Right when I was starting to feel tired (and right before I usually get a second wind), around 4 miles, this song came on.

I love this song.

There’s just something about a great song, especially one that you loved at a specific time in your life.  A song can transport you to another time and place.  A song can lift your mood.  A song can make everything better.  This is one of those songs.  Immediately memories came flooding in, some bittersweet.  For a few minutes I mourned the loss of some very special relationships.  I cried thinking of a window in time that will never come again.

I love music.  I was a music major in college before switching fully to engineering.  For me, music has accompanied every important moment in my life.  And so, almost every song has meaning to me.  Today’s run, Pandora hit just about every one.  Of course, I was listening to Pearl Jam Radio – so in a way, I set myself up, but still.

Alice in Chains – Heaven Beside You
Pearl Jam – Oceans
Smashing Pumpkins – Mayonaise
Pearl Jam – Immortality (another one I could listen to on endless repeat)
Pink Floyd – Wish You Were Here
Alice In Chains – I Stay Away
Radiohead – High and Dry
Candlebox – Far Behind

I’m on a runner’s high, but more so today I’m on a music lover’s high.

trying new things

I did not go for a long run today.

I don’t have a really good excuse – just the fact that I just didn’t feel like it.  I sat around this morning feeling like I should go run, but not wanting to.  Then after my husband went out for a run, and I realized it was almost 10:00 am, I realized I had completely lost my running mojo for the morning.  I had 10 miles scheduled and I didn’t want to be gone until almost noon.  We wanted to do some yardwork, and we needed to run in to Menards for supplies.

Never mind the fact that there were 40 mph winds outside.  I opted to postpone my long run until tomorrow.  The forecast is for 60 degrees, sun and 5-10 mph winds tomorrow, so it should be wonderful running weather in the morning.

But don’t you worry, I did run.  I still didn’t feel like it, but this CD challenge is enough of a motivator that I felt I needed to run.  And it was almost impossible to justify running on a treadmill when it was 70 degrees outside.

So today I did something I have never done before. I ran in our neighborhood.  I’ve never done this before because we have a very small neighborhood of about 25 houses on a “y” shaped street that ends on a very busy highway.  I had mapped it out online before and figured it was about 3/4 of a mile, and I had never been able to get motivated to run past our neighbors 4+ times to get in a good run.

But today, efficiency and travel time won out over embarrassing looks from the neighbors.

I stepped outside and started running.  It’s been almost 4 years since I have been able to do that.  It felt, well, great!  And the only strange look I got was from the mailman (who I passed three times).  I helped a neighbor girl get her bike back on the driveway, and my 7 year old came out and ran 0.4 mile with me.  And I was home in seconds!  Well, technically I was “back home” four times during the run, which was even kind of nice.

Seen on my run…four times.  Five if you count when I started.

I doubt I’ll ever go more than 3 miles in our neighborhood, four laps is enough, but I’m glad I have a new option for when the weather is nice but I don’t want to leave.  I might even be able to do this with the kids playing outside in the yard.  Oh, the possibilities…

I just had a thought.  This morning my son was watching Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood, (source of the most annoying songs ever written…) and he was singing a song: “…you’ve gotta try new foods ’cause they might taste good…”  It’s been stuck in my head all day, so I think it’s appropriate that today I tried a new running route.  Sometimes we have to try new things too, even if we’ve resisted them for years.

Prairie fire

Yes, I ran today. I thought about not running, my leg has been sore again after I skipped my yoga post-run stretches. But I did run. CD#5 complete!

I also got to play with fire. My dad came over and helped me burn our 1/4 acre of prairie we have been working on for the last four years.

Signs of spring are finally coming! I have a 10 mile run scheduled for tomorrow and I’m hoping that the rain holds off…

Go Hawks! (CD#4)

Have you ever tried to Facebook while treadmill running?

I do not recommend it. Unless, perhaps, you can have Siri do it for you on your fancy phone.

CD#4 complete. It’s a rest day so only one mile.

Now off to watch the Hawkeyes in the NIT championship game.