And the update is…well, there really isn’t an update. I’ve been waiting to hear back from my donor coordinator, and haven’t heard anything. Which means either the patient is doing worse (hoping and praying that’s not the case), or that the doctor hasn’t decided if a transplant is warranted at this point.
Either way it’s frustrating not to know. I understand, though, that not everything works out the way we expect. When I first got the call, I assumed I’d be donating in early August. Life has a way of reminding you sometimes that you’re not in control, that no matter what you expect, you’ll probably get a different result.
I keep finding I’ve forgotten all about the fact that I’m waiting to donate. I’ll be sitting at a traffic light, or almost asleep in bed, and it will hit me. The single thought that dominated my consciousness eight short weeks ago, the idea that I couldn’t stop thinking about, that caused a hot rush of tears when I would start to consider it. The reminder that I’m still waiting to be a donor, that any time I could get a call that says “let’s go! The process starts today!”
It almost feels like I had a really vivid dream – you know the sort. The ones that seem so real when you first wake up, that you can imagine that you’re still in that world. But as you fully wake up, the dream is already starting to fade in the morning light. That’s where I am, in that half-awake state between the dream and reality. The reality that not everything works out the way we imagine, and sometimes we’d rather live in the dream world just a bit longer.
I’ve rambled on long enough. I have a house to clean, laundry to fold, and hopefully a 2 year old who just went to sleep for a few hours so that I can actually get those things done.
Until next time, I leave you with a question. How will you make a difference today?