missing: my motivation

I had an opportunity to go for a run tonight.  I got home late from work, two kids in tow, and my amazing husband had dinner on the table (again, as he does virtually every day I work, he is a saint).  As we were eating, he said to our oldest son, “let’s finish eating so Mom can go for a run.”

And here I am, run-less.

Why didn’t I run?

I honestly don’t know, except that I made a conscious decision not to.  It wasn’t that I feel especially tired, although I am tired.  It wasn’t that I didn’t have much energy, because I do.  It wasn’t even that I had an incredibly busy day at work (which I did, I am hosting a workshop for LEGO robotics education tomorrow).

I just didn’t feel motivated enough to change into running shoes and go.

After this weekend’s 19 mile run (which I know I haven’t blogged about, and now I probably won’t get to it), I just haven’t felt much like running.  I think this is more from the combined effects of all the craziness in my life right now than from an actual aversion to running.  But still, it is making me question what is going on.

I’ll be honest, since finishing that 19 mile run, I feel like I have had about 2 hours of down time.  In three days.  I spent the day Sunday working a local 5k in the rain (I can’t complain, people were racing in it!).  I spent most of Monday trying to figure out awards and door prizes from the race, since we had a very few people stick around for the awards.  And today I spent running around work, trying to reorganize and reschedule conference rooms to accommodate a workshop that has grown from an estimated 40 attendees to almost 60.   And then staying over a half hour late so that the workshop presenters could set up, while texting my dad to let him know why I hadn’t picked up the kids yet.

Me?

So what I needed tonight was down time.

And what am I doing?  Trying to manage the family calendar – we just got the oldest’s baseball game schedule, so I needed to get them entered into the family Google calendar.  Then I posted on the family blog since it had been almost a month since I had put up anything…now I’m here.  It’s almost 9 pm and I still haven’t really decompressed.

So although I would usually spend some time editing this post, reading my words and checking for grammar and other errors, you’re going to get this in the raw.  Uncut, unedited, untouched.  Because I just don’t have the time or energy to edit it.

Maybe I will try to run tomorrow.

I suppose I should, I have a marathon in a little over 4 weeks.

Urgh.