Ironic

I’ve been negligent in posting.  I know this.  And for the four of you who may read this, I deeply apologize for leaving you hanging.

But what can I say?  I’m a mother, a wife, an engineer, a runner.  I’m busy.  I forget things.  Sometimes I forget to put on deodorant in the morning. (you don’t have to sit by me at work, so shut it!)

My mind is usually traveling at 100 miles an hour, jumping from topic to topic every 10 seconds.  “When I get to work I have to reply to that email.”  “Oh, I have to remember to ask my parents to watch the boys this weekend.”  “I wonder if we’ve signed up the kids for soccer yet.”  “Crap!  Tonight is the 5k race meeting.”  “Next Tuesday I need to get someone to take the boys home after school…”

It goes on, and on, and on.  About the only time I really find my brain slowing down, ironically, is when I am running.  (And also when I am reading a book, but that wouldn’t be ironic, would it?)  When I am out for a run, my brain slows down.  I get to think about the things that get lost in the day-to-day grind.  I’ve heard people say that they solve their problems on a long run.  I don’t think that’s true for me, but I think I could agree with the folks that say running is like meditating.  It’s my time to just be, with myself, and get away from the pressure, the chaos, the kids yelling “MOM!”

And so it’s ironic (there’s that word again) that the one time that I have which allows me to get away, to relax, and to meditate, is just one more thing that I struggle to squeeze in.  I have this marathon plan that “should” require me to run four days a week.  I’m doing good to get in three, and the miles just aren’t where they should be.  But I am trying to focus on how I feel in my long runs, and as long as they aren’t suffering I think I’m doing all right.  But it’s hard.  Then there is the rest day.

“Rest Day.”

I can honestly say, WTF is a rest day?  I swear when I see runners post on dailymile about their rest days, I want to scream.   I can picture them, sitting reclined, feet up, with a nice cold drink, watching TV and relaxing.  “They must not have kids,” I think.  “Or a job.” “Or 7pm meetings.” “What do they do when they aren’t running?  They rest.”

A rest day, honestly, is a day when I have just one less thing to try and squeeze in.  It’s not like I have more time.  I don’t “get” to rest.  I am not relaxing.  My body (and my brain) are still going full throttle, racing towards that blissful moment when I shut off the light and go to bed, only to get up at 5:15 the next morning and start it all over again.

My rest days?  Those are the days I run.  I’d run every night if I could.  I feel so much better about life in general when I get to run.  This, too, is ironic, because if you ask me any given day, I’d say I wouldn’t change a single thing about my life.  But I just said I want to run more…

But it is not to be, so I will keep on squeezing in the runs when I can, because that’s what we running moms do.  At least it’s what this running mom does.  And as long as it works for me, I guess I won’t change it.

Have you joined the REVOLUTION yet?

Tomorrow is the first race of the 2012 Revolution race team.  I am really excited for this race, I haven’t raced in months.  I promise I’ll post again this weekend, with my race results and the results of the 14-miler I have slated for Sunday.

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2 responses to “Ironic

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